Power and control sit in the middle of the cycle of abuse because a person’s desire to control and have power over someone else are the driving forces that keep continuing the cycle. The cycle of abuse would fall apart if there was no desire for power and control holding it together.

• • Tension Rises
    • During this phase there is an increase of stress in the relationship, resulting in the survivor acting very cautiously around the person doing harm (PDH). The survivor may feel they have to “walk on eggshells” around the PDH or comply with anything the PDH wants so another abusive incident does not occur.

• • Abusive Incident
    • This is the moment when the PDH is abusive in some way, whether emotional, sexual, physical, verbal or otherwise. This can include yelling, threatening, beating, assaulting, etc.

• • Honeymoon Phase
    • During this phase the PDH is apologetic for the abusive incident and may ask for forgiveness, shows remorse, makes promises to change, etc. The PDH may increase actions of affection to survivor as “evidence” of changed behaviour.

• • Calm or "Normal" Phase
    • This is when life and the relationship with the PDH may feel “normal”—like how the survivor may imagine a healthy and happy intimate relationship is. During this phase the abuse may stop or slow down and the survivor may be thinking to themselves that “maybe this time it really will be different” or “maybe the PDH has changed this time.” This phase can be very short or extend to several days, weeks or rarely, months.